Dropping Balls

KP1_6071I dropped the ball. 

 “Kyra, can you reach out to those folks about copyediting the book?”  I wasn’t proud of asking Kyra to take over this task.  But with limited hours of sleep (I blame my toddler’s feet on my face at night) and the buzzing and swirling of “things” in my head that needed to get done in my different lives, I was delaying what needed to happen yesterday and feeling overwhelmed.  It was just one of those spells and thankfully, Kyra stepped in for me.  

I think many moms and parents and others out there trying to make things happen in their lives, can relate.   We want to do it all, and do it well.  Not only that, we want to be able to have it all.  But it doesn’t always happen as we hope, does it? 

Nope, instead we end up having to “take the boys to work,” during an important meeting with Alyssa – our fantastical illustrator (that’s her official title by the way).  As you can imagine, while there was some progress, the meeting also involved a meltdown or two, a few raucous rounds of the song, “the wheels on the bus,” excellent food spills, and distracted parents.

After that I remember wondering to the universe, and myself if it can ever be smooth sailing on all fronts in life? 

There were some heated online discussions not so long ago around the idea of having it all in life – a successful career, happy marriage and family, etc.   These discussions were gender-specific because often enough especially when kids come into the picture, many of us mamas end up having to juggle a lot more (still), and also tend to forget ourselves in the process.

In spite of the hard days that can indeed be rough and isolating, there is a familiar and conceivably crazy voice inside of me that tells me that I can attain my ideal life if I really want to.  I believe it and I honestly do think that we can all have this if we make the choice to go for it. 

Of course, if it were easy, I wouldn’t be writing about this right now.  I’m clearly a work in progress.

Yet so far, I’m learning via gentle nudging and sometimes kicking in the right direction, that in order to get at my ideal, I need to remember the following:

  1. Belief – I have to stay focused and REALLY believe in what I want.  I don’t have to settle.  I must really own it and feel it. Otherwise, it ain’t going to happen.  
  2. Courage to be real and be vulnerable – This has been an epic challenge.  Especially, for someone like me who finds it a tad hard to ask for help, and relinquish control over the little things.  But I know I have to put myself out there and have the strength to show vulnerability and receive from others.   As in the example I opened with, in asking for help from Kyra, by doing so, perhaps I am also making Kyra feel that she can also ask of me when she needs it.  I think that’s what teamwork is all about.  Also, if you haven’t seen the TEDX video of Brene Brown on vulnerability, check it out!  It might make you a believer.
  3. Helping myself  – It suddenly hit me recently that I was struggling because I was giving everything and everyone else attention in my life (child, spouse, family, work, friends) except myself.  After all that, I was spent and had very little to give.  Was sort of backwards if you think about it.  How can I try and bring joy and my A-game 🙂 to my external reality if I don’t have that internally?  A good friend suggested a book to me and though I only read the first few chapters, the overall message hit me right in the gut – the greatest thing you can teach your child is how to be happy, and that can only be done by example, by living it.   That was a game-changer for me. So now I  try and make more time to take care of myself with less guilt (guilt is like watching reality television – you don’t want to, but you do).

I’m sure more can be added to this list and I welcome insights, comments, and wisdom, from others out there that own this space or just feel what I’m saying.

As we ramp up to achieve our goal of producing our first book, things are going to get even more demanding.  Yet that little crazy inside me  (indigestion perhaps?) is cheering me on and telling me that I can rock this.  And guess what – you know you are rocking it too.  🙂

-Mal

loka10

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